Guest Blog Post “My Least Favorite Part of Being An Author” by Jeff Strand

My least favorite part of being an author? By far, it's reviewing galleys.

Galleys are cool at first glance, because you actually get to see the book in its final layout. It looks like a real book, instead of something that's in 12 pt. double-spaced Courier New. You're sooooooo close to having this in the hands of readers!

When you go through the galleys, you get one last chance to find any errors. But that's really all you're looking for: errors. And not "Wow, does Chapter Sixteen ever suck!" errors, but tiny errors. If you send in a completely revised version of Chapter Sixteen at the galley stage, big scary men will show up at your house with crowbars.

Now, if you find a really HUGE mistake, like a loophole in your time-travel logic that means that your heroine is making out with her great-great-great-great grandfather, they'll probably let you fix it. But otherwise, the book in galleys form is pretty much the book in published form. Which means that while I review the galleys, I will think of hundreds of new jokes that should be in there, and funnier ways to tell the jokes that are already there through the book. Suddenly I want to change EVERYTHING!!! Lines that were totally fine the first thirty-nine times I went through the book, when I could change anything I wanted, now make me want to bury my head in the sands of shame.

My favorite part of the process is the final proofreading of my manuscript before I send it off to the editor. At that point, I'm a genius...no, a super-genius! This book is AWESOME!!! Go me! I'll be putting a down payment on that gold-plated mansion any minute now! Woo-hoo!!!

This thought process changes approximately 1.7 seconds after I click "Send." Then, every previously unseen flaw in the book bursts into my brain with a force that knocks me out of my chair and through the window in my office. I can't BELIEVE I sent the publisher that garbage. I am the epitome of lameness. I wait for the inevitable e-mail response that says "Dear Jeff: WTF?"

As time passes, my opinion of the book slips to somewhere in-between the two extremes.

In theory, the worst part should be months later when I actually read the published book, because then I really can't change anything, except with a pen and a lot of bookstore visits. But I don't read the published book. Oh, sure, I lovingly cradle it, maybe stroke the spine, but I never actually re-read any of it. That would make me cry.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Jeff Strand is the author of the Andrew Mayhem series, Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary) (2001), Single White Psychopath Seeks Same (2003), Casket For Sale (Only Used Once) (2004), Lost Homicidal Maniac (Answers to “Shirley”) (2011), and Suckers (2009) (with J A Konrath); stand alone novels How to Rescue a Dead Princess (2000), Mandibles (2003), Out of Whack (2004), Pressure (2006), Elrod McBugle On The Loose (2007), Benjamin's Parasite (2009), Dweller (2010), Wolf Hunt (2010), Draculas (2010) (with Blake Crouch, Jack Kilborn, J A Konrath and F Paul Wilson), Fangboy (2011),and A Bad Day for Voodoo (2012); the omnibus The Mad and The Macabre (2010) (with Michael McBride); and the novellas The Severed Nose (2009), Kutter (2010) and Faint of Heart (2012). He was nominated for the Bram Stoker Best Novel award in 2006 for his novel Pressure.

The More-Or-Less Official Jeff Strand Website
http://jeffstrand.wordpress.com/books/faint-of-heart/

Jeff Strand Bio
http://jeffstrand.wordpress.com/bio/

P.S. My review of Jeff Strand’s A Bad Day For Voodoo coming soon…
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